Hi, could someone check the introduction of my thesis, please? I am not an English speaker, and I really want to know whether the grammar and structure of my thesis are matching English-speaker's appetite or not. Thanks! Diabetes mellitus (DM) is a major endocrine disorder which affects approximately 5% of the world’s population. It has a significant impact on the health, quality of life, and life expectancy of patients, as well as on the health care system. Diabetes mellitus is divided into two major categories: type 1 diabetes (formerly known as insulin-dependent diabetes mellitus, or IDDM), and type 2 diabetes (formerly known as non-insulin dependent diabetes mellitus, or NIDDM). In particular, the most common, accounting for 90% of patients is type 2 diabetes. The cause of type 2 diabetes is a combination of resistance to insulin action and an inadequate compensatory insulin-secretory response. 　　 In the past, several studies have been carried out on the potential health effects of soy and soy isoflavones in lowering risk of certain diseases, such as breast cancer and intestinal cancer. Soy intake may improve blood lipid levels in humans and animals and decrease arterial fatty streaks in animals, therefore reducing the risk of developing atherosclerosis. Isoflavones, as the main hypolipidemic agent in soy, was focused on their antioxidative and mild estrogenic activity by considerable research. It also said isoflavone has a role in lowering cholesterol levels. Genistein is one of the main isoflavinoid found in soy beans and is a strong antioxidant. 　　 Agakong, a wild soybean which was bred by means of interspecific cross breeding between Eunhakong (Glycine max) and KLG10084 (Glycine soja), has a green seed-coat color and a very small size. Generally, small seed-sized soybeans have good seed vigor, high hypocotyl elongation, and a high sprout yield. Recent study reported that the total isoflavone contents (9,684.8 μg/g) of Agakong was two or three times more than the proportion of Eunhakong and KLG10084. Agakong3, which was enhanced from Agakong, are expected has a much higher content of total isoflavone comparing to Agakong. In this study, the possible anti-diabetic effects of Agakong3, in db/db mice have been evaluated.
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1 :
the stuff after correction.. hope i helped ! Diabetes mellitus (DM) is a major endocrine disorder which affects approximately 5% of the world’s population. It has a significant impact on <> health, quality of life, and life expectancy of patients, as well as on the health care system. Diabetes mellitus is divided into two major categories: type 1 diabetes (formerly known as insulin-dependent diabetes mellitus, or IDDM), and type 2 diabetes (formerly known as non-insulin dependent diabetes mellitus, or NIDDM). In particular, the most common <from the two>, accounting for 90% of patients is type 2 diabetes. The cause of type 2 diabetes is a combination of resistance to insulin action and an inadequate compensatory insulin-secretory response. 　　 In the past, several studies have been carried out on the potential health effects of soy and soy isoflavones in lowering risk of certain diseases, such as breast cancer and intestinal cancer. Soy intake may improve blood lipid levels in humans and animals and decrease arterial fatty streaks in animals, therefore reducing the risk of developing atherosclerosis. Isoflavones, as the main hypolipidemic agent in soy, was focused on their antioxidative and mild estrogenic activity by considerable research. It also said isoflavone has a role in lowering cholesterol levels. Genistein is one of the main isoflavinoid found in soy beans and is a strong antioxidant. 　　 Agakong, a wild soybean which was bred by means of interspecific cross breeding between Eunhakong (Glycine max) and KLG10084 (Glycine soja), has a green seed-coat color and <> very small size. Generally, small seed-sized soybeans have good seed vigor, high hypocotyl elongation, and a high sprout yield. Recent study reported that the total isoflavone contents (9,684.8 μg/g) of Agakong was two or three times more than the proportion of Eunhakong and KLG10084. Agakong3, which was enhanced from Agakong, <as> expected has a much higher content of total isoflavone comparing to Agakong. In this study, the possible anti-diabetic effects of Agakong3, in db/db mice have been evaluated.
2 :
I think you have written your thesis well and put across your ideas quite clearly. There are a few grammatical errors which I have spotted (though I am no expert, but hope it helps improve your thesis). In the second paragraph: " Isoflavones, as the main hypolipidemic agent in soy, were*..." not was because Isoflavones is plural. Also that sentence is not very clear-- were focussed in.. means? "It is* also said that* isoflavone has a role..."-- add a is and that. In third paragraph, remove the coma before and. "A* recent study reported that the total isoflavone content*", not contents. "Agakong3, which was enhanced from Agakong, are to have* a much higher content of isoflavone compared* to Agakong".-- Replace has with "to have" and comparing with "compared". I think the rest is fine. I just gave a cursory glance, so i might have overlooked something, plus I'm not an expert in English, though I think I'm not bad at it. Hope it helps.
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